I was
wondering why the ultrasound technician was so silent when she was taking the
ultrasound. I was expecting that she will show me the heartbeat of my baby but
she said nothing. I didn’t care to ask anything since the result will be given
to us after an hour. When we got our the result, my heart beat faster when I
read the result. I really don’t know the exact meaning of the words that
captured my attention, “EMBRYONIC DEMISE”. And one more thing, there was a
remark, “HEARTBEAT, NOT APPRECIATED”. I was not at ease after reading those words.
I had a feeling that there is something wrong with the result. Since my OB Gyne
will be in her clinic at 2PM, we decided to go to the house of my cousin. I was
so worried with what I have read. My husband kept on telling me that everything
is alright . I was really worried and nervous so I decided to search for the
meaning of those words on the internet. I was right, something is wrong. I
wanted to cry but my husband told me not
to believe on what I have read on the internet since it is not a reliable
reference. When it was almost 2 PM, we went to the doctor for her to see and
interpret the result. She can’t believe on the result f the ultrasound since
all the laboratory tests that I had are all fine. I heard it from my OB Gyne’s
mouth clearly. The embryo inside my womb doesn’t have a heartbeat and had
stopped growing. To make me calm, she asked me to have a second ultrasound
after a week before she can have the final diagnosis. I stayed calmed inside
the clinic but when we went out, I could no longer help but cry. I was crying
really hard. I couldn’t believe with what I heard. A lot of questions came into
my mind why it all happened. I took care of my health, I eat healthy foods, I
even have vitamins and milk to support my pregnancy.
When we got
home, my husband always comforted me and told me everything will be alright. We
still have the second ultrasound after a week. The thought of a miracle that
the heartbeat will be heard after a week made me strong and calm. Outside the
hospital, we saw Papas and we told him about the result of the ultrasound. He
advised us to see another OB Gyne for a second opinion. So we went to another
OB. He still had the same recommendation with my first OB Gyne, to have a second ultrasound after a week. Week passed
and I had my second ultrasound but sad to say, it still had the same result. No
heartbeat. And worse, I already have internal bleeding since the embryo starts
to detach. The doctor told me that the embryo should be removed from my womb so
that I will not be poisoned. I took a maternity leave. I was admitted to the
hospital and had IV on my arm. The doctor had to inject medicine on the
dextrose which help my cervix t open and have the embryo come out. 24 hours
passed and nothing happened. I didn’t even feel pain. So the doctor advised us
to go home and he gave me medicines that I am going to take orally. Those
medicines worked and the embryo came out. It was so painful literally and
emotionally. I was again admitted to the
hospital for the Dilation and Curettage. This time I was already calm. When I
was taken back to my hospital room after the operation, tears fell from my eyes
knowing that the precious gift is really gone. I was really sad that I cry
often. I cannot understand the reason why this has to happen. I had sleepless
nights. I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I cry and cry day
and night. I search for an answer why it happened. I searched for the cause of
the embryonic demise but there is no specific cause and clear explanation. My
husband is always there to comfort me and to me strong. He never fail to pray
for me. He was hurt deep inside to see me crying often. He always pray to God
to give us strength and peace of mine. I placed everything to God, always asked
Him to comfort me and give me strength. Days passed and I realized that God had
healed the pain inside my heart. I have already accepted that God had better
plans for us. I know that He will give us our bundle of joy in His time. I may
not be able to understand the reasons why it has to happen but I just cling on
to His words that He will make all things beautiful in His time.
