Monday, November 29, 2010

Precious Gift, Gone Suddenly

I was wondering why the ultrasound technician was so silent when she was taking the ultrasound. I was expecting that she will show me the heartbeat of my baby but she said nothing. I didn’t care to ask anything since the result will be given to us after an hour. When we got our the result, my heart beat faster when I read the result. I really don’t know the exact meaning of the words that captured my attention, “EMBRYONIC DEMISE”. And one more thing, there was a remark, “HEARTBEAT, NOT APPRECIATED”. I was not at ease after reading those words. I had a feeling that there is something wrong with the result. Since my OB Gyne will be in her clinic at 2PM, we decided to go to the house of my cousin. I was so worried with what I have read. My husband kept on telling me that everything is alright . I was really worried and nervous so I decided to search for the meaning of those words on the internet. I was right, something is wrong. I wanted to  cry but my husband told me not to believe on what I have read on the internet since it is not a reliable reference. When it was almost 2 PM, we went to the doctor for her to see and interpret the result. She can’t believe on the result f the ultrasound since all the laboratory tests that I had are all fine. I heard it from my OB Gyne’s mouth clearly. The embryo inside my womb doesn’t have a heartbeat and had stopped growing. To make me calm, she asked me to have a second ultrasound after a week before she can have the final diagnosis. I stayed calmed inside the clinic but when we went out, I could no longer help but cry. I was crying really hard. I couldn’t believe with what I heard. A lot of questions came into my mind why it all happened. I took care of my health, I eat healthy foods, I even have vitamins and milk to support my pregnancy.
When we got home, my husband always comforted me and told me everything will be alright. We still have the second ultrasound after a week. The thought of a miracle that the heartbeat will be heard after a week made me strong and calm. Outside the hospital, we saw Papas and we told him about the result of the ultrasound. He advised us to see another OB Gyne for a second opinion. So we went to another OB. He still had the same recommendation with my first OB Gyne, to have a  second ultrasound after a week. Week passed and I had my second ultrasound but sad to say, it still had the same result. No heartbeat. And worse, I already have internal bleeding since the embryo starts to detach. The doctor told me that the embryo should be removed from my womb so that I will not be poisoned. I took a maternity leave. I was admitted to the hospital and had IV on my arm. The doctor had to inject medicine on the dextrose which help my cervix t open and have the embryo come out. 24 hours passed and nothing happened. I didn’t even feel pain. So the doctor advised us to go home and he gave me medicines that I am going to take orally. Those medicines worked and the embryo came out. It was so painful literally and emotionally.  I was again admitted to the hospital for the Dilation and Curettage. This time I was already calm. When I was taken back to my hospital room after the operation, tears fell from my eyes knowing that the precious gift is really gone. I was really sad that I cry often. I cannot understand the reason why this has to happen. I had sleepless nights. I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I cry and cry day and night. I search for an answer why it happened. I searched for the cause of the embryonic demise but there is no specific cause and clear explanation. My husband is always there to comfort me and to me strong. He never fail to pray for me. He was hurt deep inside to see me crying often. He always pray to God to give us strength and peace of mine. I placed everything to God, always asked Him to comfort me and give me strength. Days passed and I realized that God had healed the pain inside my heart. I have already accepted that God had better plans for us. I know that He will give us our bundle of joy in His time. I may not be able to understand the reasons why it has to happen but I just cling on to His words that He will make all things beautiful in His time.

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I am a married woman with a very cuddly baby boy. I love to write anything and everything under the sun. I am a teacher by profession.
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